FREE DOWNLOAD: http://www.djbooth.net/index/tracks/review/mr-j-medeiros-forenoon
Written by: Mr. J. Medeiros
Prod. by: Beatsofreen (https://soundcloud.com/beatsofreen )
Artwork by: MRCL ( https://www.facebook.com/asapMRCL?fref=ts )
I’m afraid of what she means to me
I’m ashamed of how mean I can be
I bow scene after scene
I’m proud, being like me is loud
Defending a cloud
Pretending that I’m seen by a crowd
How to handle a narcissist caught in his own reflection
Vandalize it with causes that cost him his own rejection
Only for a second though as if to check the rope
Before you swing into the air and let it go
Moving glaciers is our human nature
Snowmen I seek no man grooming his nomenclatures
I need a silent time to dim a vibrant mind
Dare me in the dark scare me with the light I find
Like in a diamond mine these round brilliant brown filaments eyes
They find me and my villain disguise
Now who am I to despise myself
And love me at the same time, realize thyself
Mapped by all senses trapped by all tenses
Clap by all means it weans the apprehensive
The all seeing defenses bat at all things it deems offensive
Drew a pistol when just a kiss will do
Even when I can’t stand you I miss you too
See the world like a missile do
Never stalling in the launch or pausing in the arch
Just falling to a home I built leaving it charred
Breathing is hard
The wheezing I disregard
There’s only one reason
I mean glory
I mean charge like in Glory
Glory as in the mornings
She charge me in the light and write in me a story
Till morning turns to night
And I cease to charge
Give me peace and a reason to recharge
Safety, this is what it made me
New world no escape key
Shake me like a baby if I cry too much
Fell in love with a world but she lied too much
Fell in love with a girl who’s eyes do touch
Who’s hands do see
Who finds me clutched
To this stool
To this side of the pool
My cars outside
Putting on my face
Because everybody’s miming
The bar is just an honest place
Where everybody’s lying
Odd timing when I’m telling a joke
To keep the swelling in my throat
From developing hope
Who’s selling me that soap but a bloke in the mire
Throwing me his pitch as coach and umpire
Came to get a hit with his throat on fire
He came blaming the rich for a blown out tire
I said I’m quite certain we in a light curtain
Staring into the night like is this mic working
I fight versions of me to find the right person
See how his sight serves him and if he likes Gershwin
Certainly it’s him
Certainty is thin
Sure as the shylock working me within
I call a truce
Found the exit in the excuse
The fit noose getting loose
With every sipped goose
The golden droplet
Hold it hostage in an eyebrow
Bulging sockets only profit
When you lie down
Putting on a face
Cus everyone is miming
The bar is just an honest place
Where every body’s lying
In outer space a fire timing
Throwing silver to the sky lining
Making an Album Blog 11 “Immaterial Sacrifice”
Ok, time for my weekly blog update, I promise I’m working on switching to video soon!
I DID fulfill my promise of putting out a new tune, “Forenoon”, hope you heard and enjoyed it!
This is just a quick, off the top, message about sacrifice and it’s role in pursuing a career in the “arts”. IMO, unless you come from money and live in a situation where your parents income allow you some financial room and safety, “art” as a career choice is a pretty rough road and it comes with a lot of sacrifice. In my experience the sacrifice was unnoticeable for about 10 yrs, not that it wasn’t present, but because I was blinded with ambition. I’m assuming this is how it is for most artists who come from blue collar homes- if the investment isn’t available an unflinching pursuit must be.
Contrary to what I thought, and how could one know- I mean they dress so “blue collar”, a lot of artists have come from wealthy families. Hell, I would say most professional artists have come from wealthy if not at least middle-class family’s. (My sweeping generalization includes all fields considered “Artistic”: film, “art- paint, draw, digital, photo, etc”, music, literature,fashion, etc.) Of course it’s really difficult to recognize this in “music” because so much of the “brand” is building a “story” around a “struggling” artist. Trust me though, there is a difference between “struggling” to be heard in the industry and “struggling” to survive on top of it.
In fact, my experience in creating a music “business” and working with other types of businessess which use music (in some way) has shown me, so many start-up companies are “started” by twenty-something people from wealthy families. Hell, I know, VERY FEW (I have to really think about it) people on the “business” side of music who did not come from a middle-class/wealthy home. I mean, the education required alone (I’m guessing it’s *required) would already have cut lower-income families out of the mix (without available subsidies and the knowledge of them, oh and a lot of extra energy left over from swimming up-stream)
Side Note: I went to a community college for two years on a “poor mans” grant and could only afford one semester at a University on a grant I received from doing 1.7k hrs of community service. Then… I quit… I was done…broke… and bored.
In almost 17yrs of pursuing my “dream” (started in ‘98), I’ve def grown a little bitter at the ease in which “some” wealthy kids can start and stop “hobbies” with little risk to themselves, while playing with a “poor mans” only route out. I’ve def developed a low tolerance for that pseudo happenstance of “fame” or success” which follows a few simple phone calls from someones powerful family member -sitting somewhere up the “ladder”.
Basically, there is nothing I can do about it- and I may be wrong in my assessment of it, and well… truly, it may be a waste to allow myself the self-destructing pleasure of jealousy.
You know what…no, the talk of physical, material, sacrifice is a little self-righteous and boring no?
Let’s switch gears…
I will only talk about one type of sacrifice today and it’s not the material kind. How about that?
I think I could make a long list (as anyone may who’ve started a business from nothing) of material items I needed to give up in order to sustain my career as an artist. I could also make a separate list of safety’s and perceived certainties that I had to give up to continue.
And it’s continuous…
And… I know, even now that I may not have this career in another year…
Actually who knows anything in this business haha.
Sorry got derailed ha.
Yes, a different type of sacrifice has been required lately and it’s of the EGO…
This is a tough one…man, in fact- my whole rant about wealthy people making art could simply be a derivative of “thee ego”.
The toughest part is the bi-polar nature of public attention and perception.
So much of the music industry is forced perspective, it really is an entire business built on selling fairy tales and creating super heroes. I don’t think it’s anything “genius”, I think it just plays so well with the weakest part of our desires. It’s a big piece of candy for a huge sweet tooth.
It’s magic really, the same principle- a little misdirection mixed with the viewers passion to believe anything is possible.
So see me on stage with 5k+ people watching, or with The Roots at the famous Fillmore in SF, or my song on MTV and some people will get a different estimation of my value as an artist as opposed to seeing me on stage with 5 people watching, opening up for your local group at some restaurant that smells like fish and cigarettes, and well… hearing my song in an email I begged you to open…
Same music, same words, same passion, same amount of work, same artist…
And we all know what “image” is…
I’ll get a fan who saw me at a 30K person convention, massive stage, huge sound, just “cool” everywhere you look… and they might think I don’t have one single second to shake their hand and thank them for their support.
I’ll get a semi-fan who might have heard a song of mine on Youtube with only 200 views and assume that means I need his advice on writing a songs, a beat from him, and a free verse- from him.
I’ve been given some of the greatest Hip Hop beats (IMO) from some of the greatest Hip Hop producers (IMO) one day and then I’ll get an email from someone who “heard my sound” and “thinks I have potential” and how they would be “willing” to give me a discount on a beat “straight fire doe!”.
People see you as a poet, they see you as a fool, they see you as an amateur, they see you as a master, they wanna give you $$$ for a show, they want you to pay them $$$$$ to do a show…
You’re constantly over and under estimated at a rate to quick to adjust to…
You have to pick one idea of yourself and run with it. So to some you will be humble and to another you will be arrogant…
Nothing IMO seems to be truly quantifiable, sure maybe some parts of “art” will never be, but “art” hasn’t even come into the picture yet… unless we are talking about the art of suggestion, deceit, marketing, promotion, image…etc.
It’s a very difficult sea to navigate, this ego of mine.
Who am I, what is my art worth?
What is my time worth? My experience? My work? My sacrifice?
How do you measure the value of a song?
Is there a dollar amount that reflects it?
Would it be the same as a cup of coffee? Wait…what is the average price of a coffee at Starbucks?
What is the price of an image? Does it have value? Is that more valuable then who I really am?
Most of the time when someone goes from thinking I’m an amateur they can ignore to a true artist they must know more about… nothing in my art has changed, everything in the art itself has remained exactly the same…
It’s just the environment… the wind.
And that’s a whole system of thought you can not take seriously…or your ego will never settle.
I haven’t mastered it no… it’s still a sacrifice.
(Well, probably my most disjointed blog yet… haha, def should switch to video soon, as always I will try and make a new blog every Monday… if you got anything out of this give it a “Like”.)